if it weren't for sleepless nights

I've been having trouble sleeping lately. But not for reasons you might expect (I mean, I did just move to the other side of the world). You see, I got this idea in my head that I want to write a cookbook. I keep myself up for hours on end at night thinking about exotic recipes, beautiful photographs of colorful dishes, and the rewards of creating something from a simple idea - something tangible that can be shared with the world and that embodies the essence of who I am and what I am passionate about. I love the creativity that cooking ignites in me, and the learning process that it inherently demands. It instills patience and persistence; trial and error. And oh the satisfaction and excitement when you finally get that seemingly impossible recipe right and the happy accidents that happen along the way. But there's more. There's the wonderful part where you get to share it with your family and friends, when eating a meal (together) becomes more of a simple pleasure than a chore because let's face it, everyone is busy these days. 

So I lie awake at night - creating a cloud of everything that writing a cookbook actually entails and the tasks that I will tackle come morning. It is not easy by any standard, and perhaps that is one of the reasons as to why I am so intrigued by it. But I am more interested in telling a story - one that inspires others to appreciate the beauty in simple and healthful foods while also encouraging them to create their own masterpieces in the kitchen, or simply just encouraging them. When reading or skimming through a cookbook I find fascinating and am moved by, I can't help but feel a little giddy inside. Of course I study the recipes, but I also study the photography, the lines and colors and the composition of the piece in its entirety. I think about all of the man-hours that must have been put into it by artists of different kinds - chefs, writers, editors, photographers, graphic designers...the list goes on. And I think about all of the painstakingly thoughtful efforts of each one of them. They must have been frustrated at times. But they must have also shared many wonderful moments and forged some amazing friendships. 

This is all part of my muse. I have no formal training in preparing food (save for one summer I spent working in a small bakery in White Bear Lake, Minnesota) and I know there is so SO much more to learn. And while I have entertained the idea of attending culinary school at some point in my life, I've always felt that I've enjoyed learning more on my own than I ever did in any classroom. Perhaps it has something to do with my "Aquarian" nature - always deviating from the norm and the conventional methods of doing things. But that's how I like it. 

While there are times when I wish that I was further along in my career, I feel fortunate for where I find myself today. Not only am I blessed with the opportunity to explore this beautiful world and discover a whole new way of life, I have time to focus my energy on things that I have an interest in and that bring me joy. I write daily (whether I share it or not). I have an amazing relationship with a family dear to me whom I get to enjoy and watch grow. I spend the better part of my day reading and learning about things and issues that are interesting to me and that I care about. And, I get to experiment in the kitchen and spend time crafting an impeccable cookbook proposal that at some point in the future I will send off to a publisher in hopes of getting signed. Do I have my work cut out for me? YES. Am I up for the challenge? A wholehearted and enthusiastic "YES!" 

Now to crankin' on my market analysis...